she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He felt like a one man threesome
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
