New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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