Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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