i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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