It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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