just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
