I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
