These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
