We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize