toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
