thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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