So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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