i think my mom watched the whole time
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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