How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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