Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
