Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
