apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize