I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
