If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
