Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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