very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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