Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
