That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
