And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
