my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
