Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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