Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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