No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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