I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
