U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize