But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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