also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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