Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
