just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
