I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
