I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
