Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
