I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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