omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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