That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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