make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
