THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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