i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
