Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
