1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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