The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize