I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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