Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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