Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
