My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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