you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
