I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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