Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
