That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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