I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
