I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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