This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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