I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
