you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
