some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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