i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize