the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize