Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
