he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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