We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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