I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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