i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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